Column: Carlin made us think. Imus and Shaq make us cringe

Bob Lipper
Media General News Service
Published: June 26, 2008

George Carlin, one of the sharpest minds to explore the possibilities of language, died the other day, and it’s safe to say he didn’t pass the torch to Don Imus or Shaquille O’Neal.
Not unless one of those two bubbleheads just walked through a car wash and emerged sanitized and spouting deep thoughts in iambic pentameter.
Carlin made us think. Imus and Shaq and their sort make us cringe, which is pretty much what you get when lowbrows venture into public discourse (discoarse?) these days.
So here are Imus and Shaq, both of them driving on the ragged edge of dumb and crude before veering toward the gutter and somehow — and this ain’t easy — making Pacman Jones and Kobe Bryant come off as aggrieved victims.
On the other hand, Al Sharpton wouldn’t have a gig if Imus didn’t keep putting his cowboy boot in his mouth and some sound engineer wouldn’t have a paycheck if Shaq didn’t put out critically unacclaimed rap CDs. So maybe we should thank these clods for reducing our nation’s unemployment rate.
Imus famously rendered himself unemployed — but not unemployable — a year ago when, during one of his typical radio-studio-as-locker-room riffs, he referred to Rutgers’ women’s basketball players as “nappy-headed hos.“ The outcry was immediate and loud, and it drowned out Imus’ lame excuse that he was just havin’ fun but went a mite too far. CBS fired him. Seven months later, he was back on the air on ABC.
And now he’s gone and done it again.
This time, Imus’ target was Jones, the repeat-offender cornerback whose off-field transgressions prompted the NFL to suspend him for the entire 2007 season. He since was traded to the Cowboys but still hasn’t been reinstated for the regular season. Recently, he said he was dropping the Pacman nickname in an attempt to distance himself from his past.
Cut to Monday’s Imus show and a discussion with goofball sports anchor Warner Wolf about Jones. Wolf mentioned that Jones had been arrested six times since 2005. Imus asked,“ What color is he?“ African-American, Wolf replied.
“Well, there you go,“ Imus said. “Now we know.“
Yeah, now we know — as we’ve always known — Imus gets loose with race, among other topics. This time, he answered the fallout by playing the socially-conscious card, claiming he was defending Jones against racist cops who continue to arrest him. Uh-huh. We should believe this dodge, just as we should believe Imus’ track record gives him a get-out-of-quicksand-free card.
Jones, for his part, wasn’t buying the explanation (“Obviously, Mr. Imus has problems with African-Americans”) and said of Imus, “I will pray for him.“ Which in itself puts a tantalizing spin on the subject of spiritual healing.
As for the split between Shaq and Kobe, it might be irreparable, thanks in part to Shaq’s trashing of Kobe while onstage at a New York nightclub.
And that would be that — I mean, do we really care about the fragged relationship of an over-the-hill big man and his self-absorbed ex-teammate? — except Shaq swerved so far beyond acceptable levels of toxic waste that the sheriff of Maricopa County (Phoenix) was offended enough to yank Shaq’s special deputy’s badge.
That’s what using the N-word can get you — should get you. And throwing around cuss words like so many bounce passes. And asking Kobe how your rump tastes (only the word Shaq used wasn’t rump).
Creative, eh? This is what happens when you put a microphone and an audience in front of wiseacre orators. Where’s Carlin when we need him?