ROANOKE, Va. – A public announcement from celebrities Chrissy Teigen and John Legend about the loss of their baby has sparked conversations for other families going through the same thing.
Stephanie Allen’s daughter, Danielle, was 6 months old when she and her husband found out they were expecting another child.
“We found out we were having a little boy," said Allen, who is originally from Patrick County.
At 34 weeks, her son Robert stopped moving and was stillborn on December 2, 2013.
“I went to the doctor’s and they couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat on the doppler and sent me to ultrasound. And that’s when they verified that he no longer had a heartbeat or signs of blood flow,” said Allen.
Allen didn’t want Robert to be forgotten, so she started making rainbow bracelets to give to other moms who’ve lost a child.
“A child born after a loss is known as a rainbow baby," said Allen. “And so I started making these rainbow bracelets in hopes of kind of bringing myself out of that funk that I was in, but also to help others.”
Allen said the shame, grief, and fear of being judged or misunderstood create silence and stigma.
"Because they don’t talk, people don’t realize how many people have actually gone through miscarriages and child loss,” said Allen.
Miscarriages and infant loss are more common than you might think.
Carilion Clinic’s Dr. Adrienne Gentry said about 25 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage or infant loss. And 80 percent of miscarriages happen within the first trimester.
Most of those are due to a genetic abnormality. She also said that having a miscarriage doesn’t mean you can never have a baby.
“Number one: it’s not their fault,” said Gentry, a reproductive, endocrinology and infertility specialist. “Whether they say, ‘Did I exercise too much? Did I stay up too late the other night? Was I working too hard? Am I too stressed out?’ And The bottom line is: there is nothing they could have done to cause it.”
The Birth Nurse, Mandy Irby, said that whether or not you choose to share your story, there are support groups to help, including Carilion Clinic’s SHARE program, online or on social media.
“That is one of the benefits of being in 2020, right now, is a lot has moved online, which gives us more access," said Irby.
Allen, who went on to have three more daughters, said you can offer support by asking a woman who has experienced child loss if she is OK and just listen.
“Even if you don’t have anything to say, just say, ‘I’m here if you want to talk,’” said Allen.
She wants other parents to know that rainbows come after the storm.